On Deck Read online

  Beyond all of his concerns, there was something about her Jeremy couldn’t get out of his head. Lately, it seemed as if she was the first thing on his mind when he woke up in the morning and the last thing on it when he went to sleep at night. It had been a long damned time since Jeremy had felt like that about someone. When he’d met Stephanie they were just kids. They’d had a lot of growing up to do. Jeremy had done most of his growing up on the road, while Stephanie had done it on her own back at home while she waited for him. He was certain that’s how the control issues started. She was used to doing things her own way, and that meant he didn’t exactly fit in when he returned.

  That thought still hurt, and Jeremy just needed to make sure that he wasn’t projecting that desire to get back what he felt like he’d lost with Stephanie in Laila. She deserved better than that. In the end, he was never going to make a decision on his own. He was going to have to talk to Laila and try to find out how she felt. Since she’d invited him over as soon as he got off of work and Jesse had gone back home with his mom, maybe this afternoon was going to be the perfect chance.

  Jeremy hadn’t realized that he was sitting in the parking lot at the arena with the engine running while all of this went through his head. Anyone who might have been looking would have thought that he was out of his mind, but luckily, he was alone. Home was just a matter of a quick twenty-minute drive, and once he was there, hopefully, he was going to get a chance to get all of this off his chest. He could only hope that Laila felt the same.

  When he pulled in outside of his apartment and put the car in park, he glanced across the lot to find an unfamiliar car parked outside of Laila’s place. He couldn’t help but check out her front door and noticed a guy waiting there. It was Mike, the same guy he’d seen on the night of the snowstorm. Laila’s ex-boyfriend was knocking on her front door. He should have felt guilty about watching what happened next, but he had to see. There was some kind of morbid curiosity that kept him staring as he watched her answer the door, and then let him in. That was the moment that Jeremy’s heart sank to the floor.

  It seemed that all of his fears had been founded. Laila wasn’t over this guy. Why else would he be at her front door, and why else would she have invited him in? He couldn’t control the pang of jealousy that rolled through him, and It occurred to him that he had no claim over Laila whatsoever.

  Suddenly, Jeremy felt stupid. He wasn’t sure why, but he did know that he didn’t want to stand out here and watch to see how long it took Mike to come out of that apartment. Had their night together made Laila realize that she wanted her ex back? He’d had the time of his life, and definitely the best night he could remember having in a couple of years. But he couldn’t say the same for her. They hadn’t had the “about last night” conversation since it happened. The timing just hadn’t been right. Clearly, that needed to happen as soon as possible. He was really regretting not having it before this jerk showed up.

  Jeremy started to second guess everything that had happened until now, including his friendship with Laila. Maybe it would be for the best if they just stopped seeing each other entirely. That was going to hurt, and it wasn’t Jeremy’s first choice of options. He liked being her friend, but he knew that there was no way he was going to put his heart on the line again. He hadn’t felt that sickening feeling that left his heart sinking in his chest since things had ended with Stephanie, and he really never wanted to feel it again if he could avoid it. If that meant having to protect himself by cutting her out of his life, then so be it.

  Maybe it would be better for both of them in the long run. Jeremy walked over to the fridge, grabbing a beer as he mulled over the options he had in front of him. He cracked open the can, leaning on the kitchen counter as he took a long swig of the cold liquid and let out a sigh. His thoughts were so loud that he may as well have voiced them, even though there was no one else here to listen to anything he had to say. At least there wasn’t anyone here to think he was out of his mind either, but that was part of the problem. There was no one else here.

  Jeremy was lonely. He had been for a while now, but Laila had been the first person in his life besides Jesse who made him forget that he was lonely for even a short amount of time. That was the reason he’d let down his guard that night, and it was why he’d felt so sick at the prospect of losing her. In the end, he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to live with her having her ex back in her life, but he knew for damn certain that he wasn’t going to be able to live without her in his.

  He downed the beer, glancing across the lot and noticed that the car he’d seen parked in front of Laila’s apartment was pulling out of the lot. Jeremy threw the can in the bin and grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter in one smooth motion. There was only one way that he was going to fix any of this, and that was heading over there and figuring out what the fuck was going on between those two. He could settle for being friends, but he wasn’t going to settle for having to guess at what this was. The only thing separating him from knowing exactly what was up was a thirty-second walk across the parking lot.

  Chapter Nine

  Laila

  It had been such a long day, and Laila just wanted to rest. When Mike had shown up at her door unannounced, it was the last thing she’d needed. She was already on edge, and this was just the last straw. Still rattled from the events of the day, she’d invited him in so she could say her peace in private at least. All he’d asked when she answered the door was if he could come in to talk. Her only response was to nod and hold the door open. Once they were in her living room, she turned on him, folding her arms across her chest.

  “What in the hell are you doing here? I never intended to see you again, and I thought we had an understanding. Now you show up randomly at two of the most inopportune times imaginable. What could possibly be so important?”

  Laila was barely holding it together now that she was actually alone with him. This man had once held her heart. She was still reeling from the toxic interaction with Jeremy’s ex and really didn’t need Michael to see her at such a low point. In fact, she really didn’t need him to see her at all. Her pride kicked in and she went from hurt to pissed.

  Michael was noticeably startled by her reaction. He had always felt confident that she would take him back if he asked. In fact, he still thought he could win her over. His expression got kind of smug before he answered her, and then the words he said explained it all.

  “Well, I was kind of hoping to make your day a little better. When I showed up here last time we didn’t get to talk. I don’t know if you’re dating that guy that was here or what. I don’t even know if I stand any kind of chance, but I was hoping you and I could give this another shot.”

  It wasn’t even a question. It was just a statement, and he was looking as if he was just expecting her to roll over and thank him for giving her another chance. “I thought you were bored with me. You said you didn’t want to ‘settle’.” She used air quotes for that last word, and her voice was incredulous. She couldn’t believe what was happening, even though she had imagined some version of this scene many times before.

  He turned on his sweetest smile, complete with those sexy eyes that always made her weak. “You and I both know how good we were together. Nothing about that has changed.” Laila knew that expression well. She’d seen that look on his face before, and she knew what he was expecting.

  Her brain acknowledged his words, but her mind heard something else entirely: “I tried dating someone else and it failed. Now I want you back.”

  She was really on a roll now, letting loose all the feelings she’d been holding in for the last six months. “So what you’re telling me is that I was boring until you showed up here and I was with some other guy, and then you decided that I was worth another shot?” Laila could hear her voice rising, but she had no desire to tone it down even a little bit.

  He hadn’t expected that from her. He’d either thought Laila would kick him out at once and say that she was da
ting someone else or take him back right away now that she’d been given a second chance.

  “Laila... Baby. That’s not fair. There’s a lot more to it than that.” Laila bit down hard on her lip when he called her baby. At one point, she’d have given anything to hear him call her that name again, but now, it just infuriated her. She was already fighting the urge to throw him out the door, but she shook it off and turned on him.

  “Don’t call me Baby. I am not your Baby. I’m not your anything. In fact, you can leave and never come back again.” She pointed at the door while Mike just stammered trying to come up with some kind of answer. He clearly hadn’t expected anything like this from her.

  “Just go, Michael. I’m not kidding.”

  He looked totally defeated then turned and headed back out the door without another word, though he did slam it behind him. The adrenalin fueled courage that had flooded through Laila’s system gave out, and she sank onto the couch with her arms wrapped around her waist. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d wanted to crumble to the floor more than she did right now.

  Between the interactions with both her and Jeremy’s exes, she was filled with way too many mixed feelings. Heartache, pride, embarrassment, and anger overwhelmed her. The tears came, even though Laila felt too proud to cry. There was just no way she could stop them. Everything that had happened today had just been too much for her, and now at least she was going to let the tears fall.

  ❖

  She wasn’t sure how much time had passed while she sat on the couch having a pity party, but it wasn’t enough for her to clear it out of her system before there was another knock on her door. She popped up off the couch, throwing her hands up into the air. What else could the universe have in store for her today? She wasn’t sure how much more she could manage, but she knew she was in for another loop when she opened the door and found Jeremy standing there looking bewildered at the tears that were still staining her cheeks. She knew her nose always swelled and turned red when she cried and that her mascara was probably a mess. She certainly hadn’t bothered wiping her face before she threw the door open wide.

  He didn’t even wait for an invitation before walking in and closing the door behind him. He wanted to scoop her up in his arms and comfort her, but he waited, uncertain of what was happening.

  “Why are you crying? Did he do something to you? I swear to god I’m going to kick his ass if he did.” Jeremy instinctually looked up and down her body, as if to make sure she had no physical signs of abuse.

  Laila just stood there blinking. This was the last thing she’d expected to hear, but it was at least a good change of pace from everyone making her feel as if she were about as important as a chewed up piece of gum on the sidewalk. It was such a stark contrast to everything that had happened that she couldn’t help laughing through her tears. She plopped back down onto the couch and wiped her eyes with a tissue. She didn’t say anything for a moment because she wasn’t sure what might come out of her mouth next. She absolutely hated sounding dramatic and didn’t want to overreact.

  “You could say I’ve had a bit of a rough day.” She glanced up at him with a shrug and a weak smile. “Everything has just been sort of out of control, but no he didn’t do anything to me. I promise. He just wanted me back.”

  Laila didn’t know how to process the look on Jeremy’s face, but it took away a lot of the doubts that had been building in her mind throughout the day. He looked absolutely devastated that that might even be a possibility.

  “And do you want him back?” That was by far the hardest, most direct question he’d ever asked her, and she was definitely going to give him a straight answer.

  “No. I told him to leave. I don’t want him back...”

  “Because?...”

  She could have answered him a lot of ways, but Laila was going to give it to him straight. She just wasn’t sure how much he was going to want to hear it.

  “I’m not sure I should say, Jer.”

  “Just spit it out!”

  Jeremy’s voice was getting louder, but she knew it was fear and not anger that was driving him toward the truth. It convinced her to just be honest but she knew she wasn’t going to be able to control how it came out. Her voice was still a little shaky, and the tears that had never really gone away threatened to come back with a vengeance once she started talking.

  “What do you want me to say? I’m totally done with him. Regardless of anything or anyone else in my life, I’m done. But I do have a thing for someone else, and that someone is you. There, it’s out, though I think your ex-wife might have something to say about it since she practically called me a gold-digging baby when she came by to pick up Jesse.”

  “She what?” Jeremy sounded as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. Laila wasn’t having it now that she’d had the courage to finally say it all.

  “She made it perfectly clear. She doesn’t like me and she doesn’t want me around your son.

  Her honesty level was brutal.”

  The sigh Jeremy let out was audible, even from where Laila was standing, and the look of frustration on his face was obvious. Laila wasn’t certain what that was supposed to mean, but it was apparent he didn’t know what Stephanie had done. When he didn’t respond for a moment she opened her mouth to reply again.

  “Listen, I don’t just go around willy nilly hooking up with random men every time there is a snow storm here. It’s not something I’m in the habit of doing anyway. I could count on less than one hand the number of guys I’ve dated, and I could count on one finger the number of men I’ve wound up in bed with that I wasn’t currently dating.” She shot him a look, needing him to know that this wasn’t casual for her, even if it might have been for him.

  “And I haven’t been with anyone other than my wife since the divorce. I don’t make a habit of knocking on all my neighbor’s doors and offering them a make-out session followed by a night in bed together either, Laila.” His voice was quiet, though what Jeremy had to say was something he could have easily just yelled right back at her. “I’m totally into you. I tried to deny it, but I give up. I want to be with you and as scary as that sounds to me I want to give it a shot.”

  Laila felt as if she’d underestimated him, and Jeremy deserved a lot better than that. He’d honestly been upfront with her, but there was just something about the fact that his ex-wife hated her that made her hesitate to say the question that weighed so heavily on her mind. She wanted to be with him probably more than anything, but that woman was scary.

  This wasn’t only about Jeremy wanting to overcome the obstacle that Stephanie presented. It wasn’t only about Stephanie’s disapproval of her. Deep down inside, she had to face the reality of how Stephanie had made her feel and that was stronger than anything else she might be feeling at the moment.

  “What about Stephanie?” She heard her own voice, and she hated how it betrayed every ounce of the fear that she still held about what was going to happen after this.

  “What about her? She left me, Laila. I don’t think she’s allowed to have any kind of say about what I do with my time. You’re an elementary school teacher, so it’s not like she can think you’re a bad influence on Jesse. Maybe it’s just time that you decided to do something for yourself and not worry about what other people think.”

  “There’s more to it than that, Jeremy. She’s your ex-wife. She’s the mother of your son. And she’s going to be part of your life whether we like it or not. I just don’t want to make things harder for you than they have to be.”

  “And I think that I’m going to have a damned hard time living across the parking lot from a woman I seem to be falling for, who I know feels the same way about me without being able to do a damned thing about it. It’ll be up to me to figure out a way to handle her. She’s been used to having her own way about everything up until now. Obviously, it’s time for me to change that. I’m not going to promise you it’ll be easy. But I’m willing to try.”

  L
aila kept her arms crossed. The need to protect herself was great, even though she wanted to believe this man was willing to fight for her. Her arguments against this were dwindling fast, but she couldn’t help the anxious feeling that sank deep down in her gut.

  “Jeremy I...” Laila didn’t get a chance to voice her final set of concerns. Jeremy cut her off when he closed the tiny distance between them and pulled her into his arms to plant a kiss on her lips. All of the arguments that Laila had in her head melted away in the heat of that kiss. His passion convinced her she wasn’t going to be able to stay away from him no matter how much she tried. In the end, they were always going to be drawn to each other. It seemed pointless to resist. All the fight she had left in her was gone. This time it was she who grabbed his hand and lead him back to the bedroom when her words failed her.

  Chapter Ten

  Jeremy

  Jeremy wasn’t sure what had come over him when he’d decided to kiss Laila, but he knew the minute that his lips hit hers that he wasn’t going anywhere tonight. She melted into his chest like a stick of butter in a skillet. There was no way he was going to be able to pull away after that. If she’d stopped the kiss or stiffened up, that would have been one thing, but when she kissed him back, he knew that discussion was over.

  As a matter of fact, the discussion was over for the rest of the night. Laila had grabbed his hand and lead him to the bedroom without a word, pausing just long enough to get him to the bed and pulling him down on top of her.

  There was an intensity between them that wasn’t there the first time. It was more heated if that was possible. Jeremy had managed to take it slow before, as they were learning and exploring each other’s bodies. That life-altering night in the storm had been getting to know each other. There was something about the first time with someone that made you want to savor it and take your time. Something told him that there was going to be no savoring tonight.